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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought recording a clip now and then would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?